This weekend our youngest daughter's boyfriend was lamenting the fact that his bestie is going through a heartbreak and is so sad, but won't take any of the advice he's offered.
Our daughter, very casually and simply, shared some information about the three brain states: Survival, Emotional, and Executive. And that when someone is operating from the Emotional System they really can't hear or follow advice. The mission of that system is to be seen, heard, and understood, not guided, advised, or logic-ed.
She also shared some basic tips for supporting someone in Emotional Brain, like:
Making murmurs of understanding
Asking some curiosity questions
Saying empathetic phrases like: "Oh that makes sense." and "Oh yeah, I totally get that."
And letting them tell and re-tell the same stories as many times as they are compelled
Eventually the boyfriend said: "Hey! That's what you need me to do with you sometimes!"
Cue the balloons and confetti, folks!!
Our work here is done and we can hang up our NeuroEmotional Ambassador hats...
We jest, we jest!
We're not going anywhere. We love this work and we will never stop doing it.
But seriously, as a parent you can really feel deep despair about how harsh and nonsensical the world can be. One of our biggest fears has been sending our children out there where they wouldn't be able to get the kind of tender neuroemotional support they get at home, and that every human needs.
But as this little vignette so perfectly illustrates – if we support our loved-ones well, and model healthy emotional behavior, then they will bring it with them, and cultivate their world as they move through it.
That brings such hope and optimism!
So here's to all of you.
Those of you that open these newsletters and glean all the tips, those that tear through our mini courses, those that invest in one of our trainings, and to all of you that are out there trying hard to learn all you can and be the best emotional model you can be for the ones you love.
You're making a difference. Thank you for all that you do.
Much love and appreciation,
Natalie and Nathan
P.S. If you want to learn how to be a professional-level emotional support person for your clients, family, and friends, it's time to enroll in the 2025 term of NeuroEmotional Coach Training.
After this training you will know exactly what to do and say any time someone you care about is upset.
Registration is open, training starts Jan 22