Do you have the sense that conflict is everywhere?

Whether it's small conflict (like deciding to stop for Dunkin' Donuts or not) or big conflict (like deciding to withdraw from international territories or treaties or not), our nervous system gets jacked up!

Many of us we just want to stick our heads in the sand and cross our fingers that it will pass.

Yet that's not really an option is it?

Life keeps going forward and important decisions, actions, and relationships can't be neglected.

When we're navigating a difficult conversation with a colleague, a challenging discussion with a loved one, or simply trying to maintain our sense of safety in the face of external chaos – staying clearheaded and in connection can seem completely out of reach.

But what if there were practical tools we could use to navigate these moments with confidence and grace?

What if we knew what to do when internal or external conflict arises?

In our new certification training, Support Fundamentals, we double down on the idea that learning to help yourself and others during difficult times is not just possible – it’s essential for creating the environment, family, and world we want to live in.

Here are a few practical tips to get started:

1. Buy Yourself Some Time

When you're in a moment of conflict it can be ridiculously difficult to maintain your cool and say or do the thing that will ease the tension. So instead of acting right away (which will likely just increase the emotional intensity), buy yourself a few moments by:
- Having some phrases at the ready, like:
  "Hmmm. I'm not sure what I think or feel about that..." or
  "Let me feel into that and get back to you..." or
  "I need a second/minute to sit with what's coming up for me around this before I respond."
- Sportscasting (reflecting back what you're hearing):
  "You're saying sweet pickles are the worst and only weirdos eat them..."
  "I hear ______ and _______ (things that they said). Am I tracking that appropriately?"
  "So just to make sure I'm understanding you right — (summary of what they just shared)... Do you want to say more about ______?"

2. Check on Your Toes

Sometimes conflict is so uncomfortable that we swing into Survival Mode and find ourselves fighting, avoiding, freezing up, or trying to fix the issue instead of finding connection around the conflict.
A simple way to pull ourselves out of Survival mode is to orient to what our body is doing. Wiggling our toes, or finding sensation in any other body part can help us shift into a state that can more gracefully navigate the conflict – no matter what the conflict may be.

3. Speak Brain

When emotions run high, our neurochemistry can get pretty tweaked! The most common communication mistake during conflict is to keep trying to argue and convince logically even though the logical part of our partner's brain has completely shut down.
Our trainings do a deep-dive on how to Speak Brain, but as an intro, try this:
- When conflict gets heated and loud, use very few, or no words at all. Instead breathe, drink some water, and just nod to indicate you're listening.
- When the conflict gets entrenched and one or both parties is repeating themself, see if you can determine what feelings are behind the arguments. Try having empathy for the feelings even if you disagree with the position.

4. Prioritize the Relationship, not the Issue

Not all conflicts can be resolved in the moment. If the relationship is meaningful to you and you want to nourish it, after you've tried steps 1-3 above, you can circle back later for another round of connection and communication. Investing in the relationship above and beyond the issue of conflict means that you will continue cultivating the trust and connection necessary to see a topic through.

5. You Don't Have to Be the Hero

Sometimes we have the Resilience and Capacity to invest the time and energy needed to stay in connection, shift brain states, and negotiate a resolution, and sometimes we don't!

It's okay to pick our battles
When we have the ability to engage, and it's right for us, we can use our tools and make an effort. But when we don't have the ability, interest, or time to engage in a particular conflict, we want to avoid the tendency of leaning into self-sacrifice and trying anyway. Instead it can be useful to lovingly step away, tend to ourselves, and reassess.

How do these tips land for you?

Do you use some already?

Are you interested in trying others?

Let us know! We'd love to hear.

And, these tips are just the beginning...

In Support Fundamentals, we give you the cutting-edge, neuroscience-backed playbook for managing conflict — helping you know exactly what to do when you or someone you care about is upset.

If you’re tired of not knowing what to say or do, and you're ready to step into your competence and confidence around conflict, we invite you to join us.

🐣 Early Bird Special
ends March 31, 2025

Use coupon code: AWESOME to get $100 off enrollment

Enroll in Support Fundamentals Now

DETAILS:

Investment: $550 (add an optional $200 exam fee for those seeking a certification)

8-hour Certification Program

A science-based training program designed to help you respond effectively when someone is emotionally activated. In just 8 hours over 4 weeks, you'll learn how to regulate emotional states and become a Certified NeuroEmotional Aide.

Assess Brain States: Quickly identify if someone is in a Survival, Emotional, or Executive state.
Regulate the Nervous System: Learn techniques to lower activation and re-establish calm.
Targeted Communication: Use precise "language" to help shift out of dysregulation.
Rapid-Response Skills: Interrupt emotional overwhelm and escalation.
Enhanced Cognitive Function: Boost Executive functioning for better problem-solving and performance.
Certification: Official recognition with an option to complete a written exam for certification.
Flexible Format: Live online evening sessions, perfect for busy professionals and caregivers.

Course begins May 20, 2025

If you want to go from "Uuhhhh" to "No duh" when it comes to knowing what to do with upsets, this is for you. Check out the button above if you're ready to sign up, or the button below if you want to find out more!

And in any case, please feel free to pass this on to anyone you know could use it. It's rough out there, and lots of us could benefit from having more tools. 😉

Learn More About this Course