This week I graduated.

There were no balloons or air guns. Just tears.

Let me explain.

The thing about self-development is that you’re scoring massive wins in most areas of your life long before you score any wins in those crux, core relationships.

So this graduation is a soaring win.

Drum roll please. 🥁

I graduated from being in a Survival State with two important family members! I no longer smile and go along and appease my way uncomfortably (and UTTERLY DISSATISFYINGLY) through our interactions.

I don’t do that anymore. I don’t even have to think about it. I just don’t do it.

Gimme a high five! ✋

And…

I’m always honest, so let me also share that graduating from a Survival State in a classically triggering environment doesn’t mean I’m walking on water or flying or strutting. It means I’m crying! 😭

When you graduate kindergarten you go into first grade. And when you graduate from a Survival Brain State you go into an Emotional Brain State.

So now, in this particular family dynamic, I didn’t Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Appease…

Photo taken while laying in bed, showing legs under blankets, and windows with blinds half drawn and trees outside

I CRIED so hard.

And named feelings.

And yearned and asked to be held and understood.

And even though this week I received lots of cues that my audience was writhing with discomfort, and not able to completely meet me where I was,

I didn’t tidy myself.

I didn’t wrap it up.

I didn’t hurry it up.

I didn’t apologize for my upset.

I just kept crying.

And kept expressing.

Did I feel embarrassment? Yes I did.

Did I feel discomfort that I was weeping and not being easy? Uh huh.

Do I feel disorientation that I’m acting outside my pattern? Yeah, I do.

But that’s ok.

When we do something new we usually feel feelings.

What I want most in this particular relationship is to be met with curiosity and empathy. And that means having feelings out loud in front of these individuals. It’s horrifying and scary, and I think worth it.

For the first time ever, in this particular core relationship, I have hope of finally, maybe, getting some of what I need.

So toot the horns! Cue the parade! Celebrate with me! 🥳

Thank you!

Love,
Natalie (and Nathan)

Do you yearn to graduate too?

Is there a key relationship in which you’ve been operating from Survival?

I got you.

I’m ready to gift you a complimentary Feel Better Already Strategy Session*

Let’s figure this out together, huh?!