Natalie and Nathan with little Echo
When we were pregnant with our daughter, Echo, my mom threw us a baby shower.
I was wearing jeans tucked into brown calf-high boots, a striped t-shirt that stretched over my belly, but also stretched all the way down and over my butt. My hair was cut high in the back but the front framed my face with chunks that reached past my jaw.
If, based on my outfit, you guessed that this was the year 2006 – you are RIGHT!
Glad you have the visual now.
My mom collected all the family members from both sides of my divorced family – an exceptionally rare occurrence, so please insert some awkward tension. And please also insert some acknowledgement of how much they love us in order to brave the awkwardness.
You may already be imagining what comes next because you have been to other baby showers, but I had not attended any baby showers before this event, so I was taken aback to discover that games would be played.
What?!
One of these games was for everyone to guess at the name we had chosen for our baby.
With growing unease we pulled name after name from the hat:
Samantha
Katrina
Alex
All fine names, of course, but nowhere close...
We shook our heads at each one. Then folks began shouting out other possibilities! Eager to get it right.
We shook our heads at those too.
Finally we shared the name we had chosen...
Echo.
And then we had to repeat it several times.
ECho
ECHO
Nooo, Ec-ho...
Then once it was clear what name we had said, there was...
silence.
Echo's name now flows off the lips with extreme tenderness, care, and ease.
Her name is like speaking a jewel, or releasing a dove into the sky.
Her name is synonymous with love, respect, and deep adoration.
But then?
Then, for my family members, it was simply an unexpected sound.
And we stood there, feeling some uncomfortable vulnerability.
Eventually my grandma (blessed be her name), said: "Oh! That's an old-fashioned name!" And we were all released from our congealed state and became animated again.
In 2006,
I didn't know that games were played at baby showers, or that I could have preferences about our party.
(And there is something one can do about that.)
I didn't know that people have feelings about everything, including the name of your baby.
(And there is something one can do about that.)
I didn't know that family gatherings customarily include tension whether there are divorced parties or not.
(And there is something one can do about that.)
And, most importantly, I didn't know that I could get help with any of the above.
Now, I know all about all of the above:
How to own and meet my needs
How to successfully advocate for my needs
How to be vulnerable in front of a group
How to regulate and be with my feelings
How to expect others to have feelings no matter what
How to help myself when others have feelings
How to help others when they have feelings
How to reduce tension in a room
How to get help
Now, I "stand" before you in my messy bun, high waisted sweats, and crop top – hello 2023! – and with all that we have learned, and through using all the tools in our tool shed, we can now unselfconsciously announce the winning name of our new baby, oops, I mean our new offering ....
From the 3 options we put before you and your fellows in our community:
What Would EQ Do?
EQ4U&ME
Dear EQ, What Do I Do?
The winner is...
Dear EQ, What Do I Do?
Wooohoooooooooo!! Yippee! Yeeehaaaaaaw!!!
EQ refers to Emotional Intelligence, or specifically our "Emotional Quotient" which is how much emotional intelligence we have – like IQ for feelings.
This program is designed to allow us all to be able to attain our particular goals through the use of emotional intelligence and neuroscience. While also supporting us all to reprogram our brains for greater emotional intelligence and social skill.
Higher EQ is associated with a healthy ability to recognize, use, understand, and manage our emotions. It's also associated with a host of beneficial outcomes. Better physical and mental health, better professional and financial success, and better relationship satisfaction and overall life fulfillment. Which isn't nothing...
If the Natalie and Nathan of 2006 were enrolled in this program they would have been able to ask questions like:
My family is planning a baby shower for me, but I'm not sure I'm going to like it. What do I do?
My divorced mom and dad are going to be in the same room together. What do I do?
I'm heading into an awkward situation, but I want to have a good time. What do I do?
And then the Natalie and Nathan of 2006 would have been able to consider several ideas and suggestions as to how to leverage emotional intelligence and neuroscience to navigate the situation.
And they'd have the best baby shower ever.
And/or the best approach to get through the baby shower they had.
In Dear EQ, What Do I Do?* we will never tell you what you should want, what you should shoot for, what your goals should be. Instead we will listen carefully to what it is that you want, and then we will make some suggestions as to how you may be able to help yourself get exactly that.
We're human and we're alive, so that means we'll have feelings and we'll definitely face tricky, awkward, and stressful situations.
And that means, we all need help sometimes!
Our first Dear EQ meetup is October 25th. Stay tuned for what questions we will be answering, or better yet, sign right up, submit your question and we'll see you on the 25th to answer it.
Love,
Natalie and Nathan
*Dear EQ, What Do I Do?, is a monthly subscription for $30. You can click here right now to learn more about it!