We hope this letter finds you in a moment of repose.

Right now the leaves are falling outside our window. It's nothing but orange and yellow out there. What's the view like outside your window?

We recently heard about a mother that had posted online asking for some guidance, it went something like this:

My mother is wanting to come and help out for an extended period of time after the birth of my next baby.
I have two children already, and they complain that grandma is busy on her phone all the time, making business calls, and it gets in the way of their time together.
I wouldn't mind if my mom came to help... but only if she is actually helpful.

How do I handle this?

We have a beautiful new offering called Dear EQ, What Do I Do?* starting at the end of this month, so our ears are really tuned into these sorts of queries. Dear EQ is an emotionally intelligent version of Dear Abby, if Abby knew how to work with neurochemistry and brain states!

If this person were in Dear EQ with us, in order to give her the best possible guidance, we would ask:

1. What Brain State is Grandma in when she's busy on her phone instead of being with the grandkids?
(Because that will help determine what solutions are available and if Grandma will be able to receive information, feedback, or a request at all.)
If this person were in Dear EQ with us, she would be able to answer this question because she's studied the foundational videos that come with her subscription.

2. What is your history like with Grandma? Has Grandma always leaned toward distraction or is this new, and not a regular habit?
(Because this will help us understand what historical dynamics and emotions are likely to get in the way of a positive outcome.)

3. How do you feel about this situation? Extreme? Wishy washy? Clear and kind?
(Because this will help us determine what steps this person needs to take before talking to the grandma about this at all.)

4. What goal do you truly have? Do you want the help? Or, do you want to turn down the help but maintain connection?
(Because we can leverage EQ toward any goal. And each individual gets to determine that goal.)

With this kind of powerful data we'd be able to guide this person through the steps required to leverage emotional intelligence, go with the flow of neurochemistry, and more likely get the outcome she's looking for.

We might recommend that this person:

Soothe your Fight, Flight, Freeze, Appease mode with the strategies included in your subscription.
Determine the feelings involved for you in this situation.
Process these feelings using the strategies included in your subscription.
Now that you are rooted and in touch with your true self and needs, get clear with what your preference is in this situation with Grandma.
Determine Grandma's Brain State using the descriptions included in your subscription.
Surreptitiously support Grandma's Brain State until she is operating from an Executive State. (We'd offer some specifics here.)
Connect with Grandma, make your request, and then stay in connection, or return to connection, using the tools that come with your subscription.

Have you ever been in a situation like this?
These things sure are tricky huh?

We'd love to hear about the complicated social situations you've found yourself in lately!

Love,
Natalie and Nathan

*Dear EQ, What Do I Do? is a $30 monthly subscription. Interactive sessions to unlock the power of EQ to help you have more positive social connections.