How's December been treating you?
How's 2023 been treating you?
It's tough when your plate is piled high with obligations, stress, and busyness, at any time of year. But when we experience it during the holidays it's even worse because there is a sense that we're supposed to slow down, we're supposed to feel extra gratitude, we're supposed to feel extra joy.
It's a lot to ask.
And then if we widen the lens a bit more – it's really tough when each day there is also more upsetting news: values at risk, people at risk, the earth at risk. The overwhelm, despair, fear, or anger, can feel so huge that they don't leave any room for anything else.
The idea that amidst all this we're also supposed to perform, find positivity, or experience joy, can seem ridiculous if not offensive.
And yet –
If we're going to carry on... If we're going to wash the dishes, scoop the cat litter, decorate the house in holiday cheer because the children love it so, bring food to our neighbor, write our congressperson (again), research non-profit activist groups to support, we can't only be fueled by our discomfort or grief or rage.
Sometimes we get a flurry of things done in this mode, but it always comes at the cost of wear and tear on our bodies and hearts and minds. And what's worse is that we can't keep this mode going consistently or effectively enough to create any kind of lasting difference.
This is not the neurochemical state from which to celebrate the holidays nor to change the world.
So here's our Secret Recipe for Real Joy and Effective Action
First, eliminate these two options:
1. Acting from uncomfortable feelings.
2. Bypassing uncomfortable feelings and faking gratitude, joy, and Executive function.
Second, find and name at least three feelings.
These are not the feelings you think you should be feeling, these are the feelings that just are.
Be honest, and be specific. (Feelings list available below)
Third, make friends with your uncomfortable feelings.
You can:
Invite your uncomfortable feelings to tea.
Sing your uncomfortable feelings a love song, rock song, death-metal song.
Or, write your uncomfortable feelings on your heart and give them sweet caresses.
Sky is the limit here, but for allowing your neurochemistry to fully shift, you want to spend at least 10 minutes with the feelings.
Fourth, look again.
At this point some empowered feelings, like true gratitude, hope, joy, appreciation, power, faith, or determination may start to reveal themselves.
Name and claim those feelings too.
Fifth, take action.
Eat more food.
Make a list.
Scoop cat litter.
Buy a gift because you truly want to.
Call your congressperson (again).
Donate money.
Lastly, give yourself a high five.
This isn't just a cute way to finish the segment.
Celebrating is a brilliant way to put a neurochemical marker on the thing you just did to help your brain remember to do it again in the future.
It also gives you a little more dopamine to keep your focus and drive going as you take the next action(s).
One could say this is a neurochemical recipe for a healthy holiday season, but it's also a viable recipe for a healthy life, community, and planet.
If you give this recipe a go, will you let us know how it is for you and how you applied it?
We love hearing about your life.
Love,
Natalie and Nathan