Blessings to you and Happy New Year! We hope this finds you well and enjoying the annual transition.
We can't mention any names, but one of our more globally influential clients told Nathan in their last session before the holidays that: 2024 is not the year for planning or dreaming. It's the year for implementation and executive-brain action.
We've already flipped the page on our calendar, but our thoughts still linger over the days of Yule, and over one story in particular that we think may inspire some potent action for the coming year.
One evening I, (Natalie) headed down the street to a neighborhood party. You can picture these Montana folks in their seasonal sweaters, the pile of their puffy coats in the side room, the apple cider on the stove. There was also a dog and a baby. (Cue the Natalie delight!)
At one point the mom of this cute, red-cheeked baby was wondering where her husband was, because her arm was hurting and she wanted to pass him the baby. I looked around for the husband, but I also let her know that other people could hold the baby too (Me! Me!).
She said:
"Oh, I wish! I'd love to pass him to you, but he's been so clingy! He won't even let my mother-in-law hold him."
I said:
"I'll just reach for him with confidence."
That's what I said to her, but what I will say to you, dear reader, is that I really meant that I would reach for him from a place of deep regulation.
Reaching for a baby from Survival Mode never works. Babies (and dogs, and humans, and every living thing), can sniff out dysregulation from miles away. Even if I had a sweet smile on my face, if I was in Survival Mode, my Social Engagement System and heartbeat would telegraph it, my arm pits would be sweaty, and stress hormones would be wafting from me like noxious perfume.
And reaching for a baby from an activated Emotional Brain state usual fails as well. I'm sure you've seen this tactic from others. They sort of put on a pouty face, and an air of "Oh, don't turn me down. I'll be so very sad if you don't let me hold you." And babies (and dogs, and humans, and every living thing), find themselves torn between barfing and appeasing. Yuck.
I've been practicing working with my neurochemistry for several years now. At this point, I can fairly quickly shift out of Survival, through Emotional, and into an Executive State, where I have the confidence to easily mingle at a party, or soothe a baby, or whatever other challenges may arise.
On this night I had already tended to myself quite well as part of my pre-game for the party. I wasn't thirsty, overly hungry, or too hot or too cold. I had tanked up that day with connective and meaningful work, exercise, and feelings processing as well as snuggles with my partner.
So when I said: "I will reach for him with confidence.", in that instant I was also able to do a lightning fast version of deeper regulation. I got my body and breath instantly, supremely present, which also means instantly and supremely full of confidence.
But before I could even get my arms all the way extended, this sweet baby had twisted around and was reaching for me.
We were golden then.
We enjoyed some buffet grazing... He stored a cracker in the collar of my sweater... We meandered from group to group... At one point he wanted to play on the floor for a bit, so I went back to adult land. But when he was done playing, he crawled through all the grown-up legs until he found mine.
The mom's jaw was on the floor.
I scooped him up and we continued our buffet grazing and cracker storage activities.
There is no gold medal, or badge, or cash reward for bringing regulation to a party. But there are so many other rewards, like confidence, fun, connection, ease, joy, pride, positive interactions, and meaningful relationships – just to name a few.
And though I was literally at a party, this is not just a party trick! This is a way of confidently being with others in any and all contexts.
Would you like to learn how to work with your neurochemistry and teach others how to work with theirs?
We have our annual training coming up January 24. We call it NeuroEmotional Coach Training because we train folks to add this modality to an existing wellness career, or to create a wellness career, but you don't have to be a coach, or even plan on being a coach. We've trained a lot of parents, too...
Any person can benefit from understanding how brain states function, and how to work with them to be more of who we want to be.
Being a safe place for others – especially children and animals is one of my 'Whys' for keeping up my neuro-emotional practice. What, or who, inspires you to, seek out the tools and practices to be your best self?
Let us know! We love to hear about your life. We read every response!
Much love,
Natalie (and Nathan)
ps. If you'd like to have a chat about whether or not training with us is right for you, just respond to this email and we'll set something up!
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Here's what's coming up next:
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Dear EQ, What Do I Do?
Emotionally Intelligent Ideas for Life's Challenges
Monthly Support
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Complimentary "Feel Better Already" Strategy Session
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NeuroEmotional Coach Training
5-Month Training Program