And a _________ New Year to you! (If it's not a Happy New Year at the moment, please feel free to insert the emotion that's right for you!)
It's that time of year when, here at the Center, we tend to feel some pretty high levels of frustration around New Year's resolutions. There is so much encouragement, pressure, and advice! And none of it takes brain science into account!
The idea is that we're meant to select a number of things that we will do this year. We're supposed to write them down, declare them in public, and then ("come hell or high water") force ourselves to do them. It doesn't take long for anxiety and resentment to build around these things and it becomes a terrible game of Should and Shame.
We're not into it!
Besides...
Instead of making a list of vague goals and then trying to remember these throughout the year, we think it's far more efficient, much more likely to avoid the inevitable Should and Shame game, and in the flow of neurochemistry to instead commit to the one Resolution that Rules Them All.
No, this is not a Lord of the Rings Cosplay... This is our Hot Tip for New Year's resolutions!
Hot Tip: Ditch that list of shoulds and resolve to get back to an Executive Brain state as often as possible.
Here's why. When we are regularly processing from an Executive Brain state, we are regularly making choices that align with our best vision of ourselves and the world we care about. This means we don't have to remember and commit to all the sub-tasks. If we do the one task – regularly supporting ourselves to move out of a Survival state, through the Emotional state, and into the Executive state – then we're totally covered!
Don't believe us?
Here are the most common New Year's resolutions:
Quit smoking
Lose weight
Eat healthier
Exercise more
Spend time with family
Drink less
Get Organized
Reduce stress
Travel more
Get more sleep
Learn a new skill
Learn something new
Read more
Reduce spending on living expenses
Save money
Cut your alcohol consumption
Floss consistently
Get in shape
Managing finances better
Let's take a closer look at the top 5:
1. Quit smoking – Smoking is often an attempt to meet the needs for de-stressing, and offers a neurochemical hit.
Guess what?
The tools that move us out of Survival are de-stressors. The tools for moving through an Emotional state give us big, healthy neurochemical hits. And the faculties of the Executive Brain help us make plans for longterm habit change.
2. Lose Weight – We often overeat or gravitate toward sugar to manage feelings.
Guess what?
The tools for moving through an Emotional state process and digest feelings! And the faculties of the Executive Brain help us get organized, make conscious choices, set up routines for daily movement, and follow through.
3. Eat healthier – When we operate from a Survival state, the body craves fast calories like processed foods and sugar – an instant burst of energy that would help us fight off a predator, but isn't enduring enough to support us beyond the micro-moment.
Guess what?
Processing from the Executive state means that we can look further ahead, make plans, and do tasks before we are hungry – like meal planning, vegetable chopping, or grain soaking.
4. Exercise more – Routinely operating from Survival Mode is extremely taxing on the body. Our actions are driven by adrenaline and cortisol, giving us that fried sensation instead of that "a run along the river sounds nice!" sensation. And even though exercise would be great for us, when we're stuck in Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Appease (doing for others instead), we're not likely to prioritize exercise.
Guess what?
Exercise becomes appealing and easy to navigate when we're processing from an Executive state.
5. Spend time with family – Family is the most likely group of people to invite our uncomfortable feelings. We get easily activated when spending time together and then we fight with them, run from them, freeze and hope they leave us alone, or appease them so much that we end up resenting them.
Yeah, you guessed it!
If we know how to soothe ourselves through these Survival reactions that arise, and if we know how to work with the feelings that surround family, we get to interact with them in ways that feel good. And when something feels good, we're far more likely to do more of that thing.
We don't want to wear you out by going through the whole list, but are you starting to get the idea?
Whatever we want to start doing, or stop doing, knowing how to move ourself through the brain states is how we get there. No more white-knuckiling! No more shame-laden "inspiration"! Just identifying brain states and using the tools to get back to Executive.
We have a whole training about this! Starting January 24th, we will spend the next 5 months teaching folks how to work with their own brain states, and how to help others (clients, partners, children, customers, co-workers, parents, in-laws, friends) do the same.
If you're into it, here's where to learn more and sign up!
If you spotted a resolution on the list above, and you are yearning to know how neuro-emotional maintenance can achieve that goal, let's get on the phone and hash it out. You can set that up here.
We believe in you! We know you are meant to do great things in your life and for others.
Much love,
Natalie and Nathan
You May be New to the Center for Emotional Education
Here's what's coming up next:
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Dear EQ, What Do I Do?
Emotionally Intelligent Ideas for Life's Challenges
Monthly Support
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Complimentary "Feel Better Already" Strategy Session
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NeuroEmotional Coach Training
5-Month Training Program